


not to curry favor

by murakamism



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manga Spoilers, sad/guilty eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murakamism/pseuds/murakamism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren hasn't been taking care of himself. Levi tries to remedy it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not to curry favor

**Author's Note:**

> suggested by ieatkitcat on tumblr: Levi cooks something for Eren.
> 
> this got some nice feedback on tumblr so im posting it here as well! maybe some of you non-tumblr peeps would want to read it.

“You haven’t been eating,” Levi says.

Eren blinks in surprise, finally looking up at the man. Levi stares at him intently, as if searching his eyes for an answer. Eren isn’t sure what the captain finds, or if any of it satisfies him.

“That’s not true, sir,” Eren replies. He frowns, realizing that his hands are clenched into fists on his lap. He’s zoned out again. These days he finds himself staring off into the distance, and it’s only a matter of time until someone snaps him out of it.

The captain can obviously tell that Eren hasn’t been scrutinizing the wooden table these past few minutes. Still, he doesn’t say anything. Instead his shoulders fall back slightly. Eren watches the gentle movement of his chest and the flicker of his eyelids. He can almost hear the sigh. Only if he imagines it.

“You haven’t been eating _properly_ ,” Levi adds, almost as a clarification. He looks at Eren again, meets his tired eyes. Eren catches the small downward quirk of his lips. He feels guilty then, that he’s made the captain worry about him like this. He isn’t a child that needs to be taken care of, after all. There are more important things to worry about these days. He’s just—

“I eat my part of the rations,” Eren tells him. He tries to smile. This dining hall suddenly feels too heavy, too dark for him. It’s only him and Levi in here, yet he feels too crowded. Eren bites his lip.

“But not without reminding,” Levi says. He still hasn’t taken a seat, opting to stand across Eren. His brows furrow and he steps backwards, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll tell Hanji to calm down with the experiments if they’re so distracting that you forget to _eat._ ”

Eren’s eyes widen at the suggestion. They can’t slow down now. There’s so much they’ve found out, but there’s also still so much to do. He doesn’t want to hold back any progress just because of _this_.

“It’s not that they’re distracting,” Eren speaks up. “I just don’t have much of an appetite these days.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth Levi takes another step forward. His frown grows deeper. Eren swallows, thinking he should’ve said something else.

“Considering how hard they’ve been working you?” Levi asks. His brows pinch together. This time his monotonous voice rises, just a bit. “Do you not feel well?”

“I’m fine!” Eren blurts out. He’s sick of this interrogation. He knows Levi worries about him, but all the probing makes him uncomfortable. This would be much easier if the captain just ignored all of it. Eren runs his mouth too much sometimes, he knows that.

The captain is just too perceptive.

Levi looks like he’s about to say something. Eren feels sick, feels heavy, feels exposed. He meets steely gray eyes and the urge to look away hits him so hard he inhales sharply. Levi stares at him quietly, and Eren knows he can’t back down. He stares back, silently hoping that Levi leaves it at that.

After what seems like a few eternal seconds, Levi finally pulls back. He turns away and Eren watches the orange candle light dance across his broad shoulders, across his crisp white shirt. The day has been long, yet there are still no wrinkles.

Eren smiles at that.

The captain turns his head, looking over his shoulder.

“If anything’s wrong, you will tell me,” he says. It’s not a question, not a request. Eren sits up straight.

“Of course, sir.”

They are silent.

“Get some rest, Eren,” Levi says. His voice is so low Eren almost misses it, but it’s difficult not to hear the man’s words in the silence of the empty dining hall. Eren isn’t sure if it’s just his imagination, but he thinks the tone is gentle, or at least gentler than he is used to. He isn’t sure what to make of it.

The captain opens the door, ready to exit. Eren decides it’s now or never.

“You too, Captain,” Eren calls out. “Good night.”

Levi stills for a mere second, before disappearing out of the dining hall.

Eren sits back against the chair and shuts his eyes tight.

He is tired, but he’s not sure if he’ll be able to sleep.

 

Three nights later Eren staggers into the empty dining hall once more. An insistent Levi had called him in. Eren walks into the room and finds the captain sitting at one of the tables, a cup of tea in front of him. Levi looks up when he hears the boy enter.

“Captain,” Eren begins. He looks at the table Levi’s taken. It’s not just a cup of tea in front of him. There’s a bowl full of food as well. There’s a pitcher and an empty glass. Some silverware. However, the place hasn’t been set for the captain. It’s set for the empty chair across him.

“Come here, Eren,” Levi says. He picks up his cup and takes a sip. Eren quietly approaches. As soon as he reaches the edge of the table he looks at the captain, raising a curious brow.

“Sir?”

“Take a seat there,” Levi tells him, gesturing to the chair in front of him. Eren frowns.

“ _Take a seat_ ,” Levi repeats. Eren hurriedly takes a seat. He pulls himself closer towards the table. Levi stares at him again. His mouth is covered by the cup so he can’t exactly tell how big of a frown the man wears today. Still, his eyes are focused, calm. The captain tilts his head back and the candle light catches in his gray eyes. Eren sees a spark of something, but what it is he cannot tell.

Levi clears his throat. He puts his cup down but continues gripping it tightly. Eren’s mouth tightens into a firm line.

The captain looks at the food in front of Eren briefly. He looks away then, nose wrinkling. Eren can only wait patiently, wondering why the captain’s so worked up. The man swallows, tugging at his cravat.

Eren opens his mouth to speak but thinks better of it. Levi finally speaks up, anyway.

“That.” He nods down at the food. “I made that for you. So don’t let it go to waste.”

Eren isn’t sure what to say. He blinks in surprise. The captain leans against the chair and crosses his arms over his chest. Eren looks at him but the man’s face is blank. His jaw is tight, but other than that, Eren isn’t sure what he’s thinking.

He looks back down and finally inspects the meal.

It’s simple. It consists of a number of chopped vegetables mixed together in some reddish, watery sauce. Eren takes a fork and carefully pokes around. There’s even some meat in there, albeit very little. Vegetables are easier to come across, especially since some of it can be grown near headquarters. Meat, however, is much rarer. Levi must have taken some from the officers’ rations if there weren’t any leftover from today...

When Eren looks up he finds the captain staring at him. Well, it’s almost like glaring, but Eren can’t help but smile. The captain’s mouth twitches.

Eren really doesn’t deserve this, he thinks. But Levi’s obviously worked hard for it. He doesn’t know why the man’s being so kind. He feels guilty again—what has he done to deserve an extra meal? Being Humanity’s Last Hope is just a title. He’s just another soldier, after all.

“Well?” Levi asks, interrupting his thoughts. Eren blinks and looks down. He quickly shoves a forkful into his mouth and spares a few moments to chew carefully. He can still feel Levi staring down at him from across the table.

The vegetables are all right, although tasteless. The meat has been boiled a bit too long. The sauce—one that Eren identifies as made of tomatoes—is too thin, but it tastes good enough. It masks the bland vegetables, for one.

He takes as few more bites. At one point Eren looks up shyly. He catches Levi’s eye. The man continues watching, although the tenseness in his jaw has abated.

Then it hits Eren.

The captain looks almost _nervous_.

The idea makes him want to smile. He’s still not sure why Levi’s done this, and he definitely wasn’t hungry, but he’ll eat it to show his thanks. And if it makes him sick somehow, well, he’s a titan-shifter, isn’t he? He’ll eventually recover.

“Thank you for the meal, Captain,” Eren finally says once he’s finished it all. He offers a bright smile. He actually _feels_ the smile this time. Levi nods and relaxes. Seeing the captain relax only makes Eren smile harder.

Levi doesn’t speak, which really isn’t anything new. Still, he’s still staring at Eren, and the boy knows he has to say _something_.

“Um, have you eaten, sir?” Eren asks.

“I already did.”

“Did you have the same?”

Levi raises a brow. Eren can’t help the sudden heat that floods his face. He doesn’t know _why_ , damn it, but Captain Levi’s gaze is just...

“No, I had the same sorry excuse for stew everyone else had for dinner.” Levi taps his fingers on the table. Eren leans forward.

“But I had the same too, sir!” He’s confused again. “Ah, if I may ask, why did you make me this?”

Levi purses his lips. He looks down at his cup, tilts it a bit to the side. It’s empty.

“You said you haven’t had an appetite lately...” Levi says, trailing off.

And yet Eren ate everything, just because Captain Levi had made it.

“You’re growing,” Levi says. His eyes flick up back to Eren’s. It takes a moment of silence before he speaks again. “With all the work you’ve done you must be exhausted.”

He sighs.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’ve done for me, sir,” Eren says. He grips the edge of the table. “I’m really happy that you’re looking out for me. But I don’t need... special treatment.”

After all, isn’t that what the captain had said? This was for titan training. He didn’t need this now, even if he had learned how to harden. Levi must be happy with all their progress so far, and it’s not as if Eren isn’t, it’s just that he can’t understand why the captain has to be so _kind_ about it.

Giving him an extra meal... is it a prize? A congratulations? For some reason the idea makes Eren’s blood boil—no, not _boil_ ; this is not the usual anger he feels thrumming inside of him. Instead he only feels dread. Maybe some guilt.

The captain’s doing something nice for him as he always does, and yet Eren can’t accept it. He can’t fucking accept it. Why can’t he?

Because a few steps in the right direction still aren’t enough to atone for what Eren’s _done._

“Eren?” Levi calls out. Eren looks up. His hands are shaking.

“This isn’t special treatment,” Levi tells him. He narrows his eyes and leans forward. “I don’t give _anyone_ special treatment.”

“I’m sorry—“

The captain sighs, his eyes softening. He stands up and reaches over the table. His hands hover over Eren’s. The boy stops gripping the table.

“You’ve been looking... unwell lately,” Levi says. His voice is soft now, almost soothing. Eren wants to look away but realizes that he can’t. He also wants to grip the man’s hands; they’re just in reach. But Eren doesn’t make any movement.

“I have?” Eren finds himself asking. He’s done it again, hasn’t he? Made the captain worry about trivial things—

“Eren, look at me.”

Eren belatedly realizes he’s zoned out again. He’s been staring at a point on Levi’s nose. He looks up to meet the captain’s concerned gray eyes.

Levi swallows. His eyes narrow as he frowns, but it’s more thoughtful than anything else. Eren looks up quietly, waiting for him to speak. Waiting for anything, really.

“You should take care of yourself,” the captain whispers. He moves to stand but without thinking Eren grabs his hands.

Levi stills, his eyes widening slightly. Eren’s mouth drops open.

He releases the captain’s hands.

Levi grips his hands instead.

Eren blinks up at him, wondering, wondering.

They are quiet.

Finally, Levi clears his throat and pulls back. Eren’s skin is suddenly cold at the loss of contact. He expects the captain to bring out a handkerchief, wipe his hands. But he doesn’t. The man only sits back down, looking away.

His usually pale cheeks have gone faintly red.

“Captain Levi,” Eren calls out. Levi glances at him, scowling. “Thank you. For the meal. For everything.”

Levi’s eyes brighten, but maybe that’s just the candle light.

“I’m sorry I made you worry,” the boy adds. “It won’t happen again.”

Levi finally sighs. He props his elbows up on the tabletop and looks at Eren. The candle light makes the dark circles underneath his eyes more prominent, Eren realizes.

But then again, Eren is tired too.

He wonders just how shitty he looks. (He knows the captain wanted to say _shitty_ instead of just _unwell_ )

“Oh, it will,” Levi replies.

Eren bristles. Levi smirks, the shadows from the lamplight highlighting the curve of his lips, and Eren backs down.

“It will, because this is the shitty life we have. But.” Levi pauses. “Don’t let it get to you.”

Eren is always taken aback by this man. But this time, he can only look up at Levi and smile. It’s bittersweet, this feeling, but right now in the silence of the dining hall there’s only him and the captain.

He nods.

What else is there to be done?

If it doesn’t bother Levi, then maybe it shouldn’t bother him?

He can try. For tonight. As a thanks to his captain.

 “Let’s clean up,” Levi suggests, standing. Eren follows suit, gathering his dishes.

He follows the man into the kitchen.

They don’t speak much after that, but Eren finds himself liking the silence anyway. Silence with Captain Levi doesn’t always have to be uncomfortable. The man lets him breathe now, and Eren doesn’t want to say goodnight.

But they finish, and he has to. Before he does something he’ll regret.

“Good night, Captain,” Eren says. He nods, as if to affirm his own words. Levi watches him from the sink. He rolls down his sleeves. “Again, thank you.”

“Yes. Good night.”

Eren grins, turning away before he can say something embarrassing.

He can still feel the captain’s eyes on him as he walks away.


End file.
